My mind is very strong, and I keep trying to give myself advice. I overthink every detail of the extremely primitive instinct of eating. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re not. That’s all I should pay attention to. I think my world will really open up if I could do those two simple and supposedly natural virtues. My stomach acts as a bottomless hole that can consume and consume and never cease to expand. The amount of room in there is shocking. I’m either hungry or nauseous because I ate too much, there’s no in between. I don’t know if I’m lacking some chemical or if it’s all in my head. The easily confronted matter is that of my mind. Recently I’ve been testing the waters to see if I can cleanse myself of the diet mentality, and this ever nagging binge eating disorder I’ve acquired. I keep telling myself to find something else to do instead of eating. I ask myself “am I really hungry?” I do so many things to quell my undying desire to consume a flavor that ultimately leads me to ail. Some days are harder than others, some cravings are worse than the rest, and sometimes I just can’t. But I always try again the next day to improve my physical health. No matter what I eat, my mental health keeps improving
I have a little goal of breaking into the 130s by April 17th. I’ll be hiking a lot over spring break, so that’ll help, and hopefully my physical health incline will be as steady as the hills I so desperately seek. I weigh 146 right now.
Oh what a day it will be when I no longer have to worry about binging, and I no longer have to be concerned that I won’t be able to stop eating. there won’t be this extra creature living in my mind sending me false signals or lying to me. Continue reading “Satiety”
What a notion. wow. so original. Hang with me here.
For so long I’ve struggled with my weight. Learn my entire detailed history here.
I’ve tried a billion diets, and had so many bad days because I was so hard on myself about something someone as young as me should never have had to deal with. The position I’m in is being perpetuated by what I’ve seen for so long as the solution.
DIETS FUCK WITH YOUR MIND.
Maybe it’s time to let things fall into their natural flow, rather than continue to fight nature. Spoiler alert, nature wins every time. Why not enjoy the present? stop wasting my childhood with problems that I’m making up. I have rolls. I’m bigger than a tween, a teen even. I have curves too. Stretch marks, cellulite. But hello there, I’m a woman. If you have a problem with that, and the way I look. Hope the door hits you really hard so you can wake up and stop preferring the photo shopped to hell women who are made of plastic and have no souls- OKAY. Do you get me? I’m beautiful, and so are you. Start living.
Dance by the ocean in your birthday suit, don’t worry about a little extra bounce. Climb the trees and mountains, powered by your strong muscles, whether they’re lean and visible or not. Exist for now, and don’t be concerned with what was or what will be. Only know it was all good, and always will be. Even when life isn’t perfect. Even when you aren’t perfect. No one is perfect. You will never be perfect. But may you be happy, prosperous, and never cease to grow.
Today was my third day of my next 10 pound decent, As difficult has it has so far been, I know I just have to get over the hump once more. My goal is to weigh about 130 by the time I finish all of the Blogilates videos. I’m about 1/3 of the way through them!
This week I’ve been waking up at 6:00 a.m and doing about 40 minutes of Yoga with Adriene. Her, along with Cassey are my two favorite fitness channels.
Fitness is a large part of my life once again. I enjoy my workouts, although sometimes taxing. I finally have found a seemingly sustainable way of eating, and I’m on my way back to physical and mental health. I’ve already come so far, but I do feel bad for the people who have to put up with my habits. I wake up too early, I go to bed too early (9:00). I eat at strange times, and strange amounts of things. To anyone outside of my mind, this might seem selfish, rude, or concerning. I can say, from the inside of my mind, that this is the healthiest approach I’ve yet taken.
So yes, for a while I’ll be slightly distant, singularly focused, and moody, but in the long run, this’ll be a small chunk of slight unpleasantness for a lifetime of pleasure. I’m getting better everyday.
7:30: Drink more water, Eat breakfast take vitamins
8:00: do something productive, or go to school
9:00: keep doing something productive
10:00: Go outside
12:00: Have lunch
1:00: Do more productive things
4:00: Be done with another liter of water
5:30: Eat dinner
7:00: Work out
8:00: Drink a liter of water
10:00: be asleep
If I could do that (pretty much) everyday, I’d achieve what I’ve been after for years. I’ve been working working for so long and so wrong. So here are my goals, even healthier than ever. Along with a good mindset, I’ll get it, and keep it.