So constricting

I feel restricted

Restless but quelled

Silent but inside I yell

No is the majority of everything emitted

I can’t keep being dissented

Thrown out but so quickly shot down

Skeet hits the heavily controlled ground

Quickly it breaks to a billion tiny pieces

Fueling the fire within

This morbid disease is

Searching for beaches

Shores we can not walk hand in hand

This ravenous hunger that emanates from my soul

It’s not mine and never was

Long before it will be

If it will be

I can not help the tears that fall from my eyes

As I’m told confident lies

Of what will happen at sunrise

I long for the day when I won’t hear them say

The inhibitor of all joy

The creation of disappointment

The noose that lies upon the neck

Of the head with the lips i kiss


Someday when there’s no one to answer to

Or ask permission through

No will be a myth




A Chance…

Coming down with an iron fist

The shatter that can not be missed

It can not be mistaken for anything other than

The icy fall of her hand

I ask with Honor, grace, and respect

Something I wouldn’t let anyone regret

But it’s something I will never get

Without a chance I can never prove

That there is nothing wrong I could do

A task of innocence

A togetherness of comrades

A childlike evening shared with a close friend

Purely mental and nothing more

But she will never open the door

For there are sounds of which they would mistake our snores

there are vibrations misconstrued for more

Paranoia in the eyes of those who lack imagination

Instead they grow sinister predisposition

It’s not my fault they feel that way

Not his to much extent

I try my darnedest to achieve the forest

The enrapturing tin can experience

Still I can not help but whine

When I am denied

A night inside the mind

Of someone young and kind

In a pure place for only the stars to kiss

and the virginity of nature to bestow

But they’ll never even know.


I Wonder

I wonder if things hadn’t gone this way

Would I be the same as I am today?

If I hadn’t ever met that boy

Would I have lost any joy?

Would I have found the new toy?

Will he be the one to take the new joy and destroy?

If I never avoided eating that

would I have ever gained the fat?

Would I be where I want right now?

Instead of crying about how

It’s so very difficult to make the change

That I know will make me stronger the next day?

I started at too young an age

If I had never quit that game

Would my lungs have become inflamed?

Would I cough with many breaths?

would I hurt the organs in my chest?

since October it’s come and gone

I lose my voice, unable to sing a song

I wonder if she never left

Would I be here or be depressed?

Would I lack the motivation

To overcome the problem that still rages?

Or If he had never gone away

Would I miss him every single day?

would I be different

would I be the same

If I had not forgotten that name

of the one who truly cared for me

or the one who said goodbye to their dream

Just so I could live this life

That could all be ended by the knife

of the tall dark figure who lurks in the woods

Preying on young blood who dare cross his path

On their exploration across the world

never again to be heard

Will I return?

Will I be next?

Will I end up with  a shot in the chest?

Inflicted by who?

By man or beast?

Will I make it to the sea?

Where waves crash with brilliant intensity

where I am free

Or will I walk the rugged shores?

of mountains and rivers, and whatever more

Will I return the the place I left?

Will I come back having done my best?