I Wonder

I wonder if things hadn’t gone this way

Would I be the same as I am today?

If I hadn’t ever met that boy

Would I have lost any joy?

Would I have found the new toy?

Will he be the one to take the new joy and destroy?

If I never avoided eating that

would I have ever gained the fat?

Would I be where I want right now?

Instead of crying about how

It’s so very difficult to make the change

That I know will make me stronger the next day?

I started at too young an age

If I had never quit that game

Would my lungs have become inflamed?

Would I cough with many breaths?

would I hurt the organs in my chest?

since October it’s come and gone

I lose my voice, unable to sing a song

I wonder if she never left

Would I be here or be depressed?

Would I lack the motivation

To overcome the problem that still rages?

Or If he had never gone away

Would I miss him every single day?

would I be different

would I be the same

If I had not forgotten that name

of the one who truly cared for me

or the one who said goodbye to their dream

Just so I could live this life

That could all be ended by the knife

of the tall dark figure who lurks in the woods

Preying on young blood who dare cross his path

On their exploration across the world

never again to be heard

Will I return?

Will I be next?

Will I end up with  a shot in the chest?

Inflicted by who?

By man or beast?

Will I make it to the sea?

Where waves crash with brilliant intensity

where I am free

Or will I walk the rugged shores?

of mountains and rivers, and whatever more

Will I return the the place I left?

Will I come back having done my best?

Yes.

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