I see myself smaller than I really am


A word most commonly associated with anorexia and often preceded by the word body.

Dysmorphia- disˈmôrfēə- deformity (or thought of) abnormality in the size or shape of something (the body)

Social media contributes to such a large amount of eating disorders it’s ridiculous what a well angled, lit, and Photoshopped picture can do to a young impressionable girl’s mind who seeks nothing but love and validation. I was one of those little girls, and My vision of my body was clouded by these pretty fitspo ladies with eating disorders themselves. I wasn’t educated on the correct way to lose wight, or the fact that kids don’t need to lose weight, and I especially didn’t need to lose weight.

I was a 126 pound 15 year old and I thought the small collection of fat on my lower belly was the end of my healthy life and I was going to die and yadda yadda. I saw myself as bigger than I was, and every little detail of my being that I was dissatisfied with was magnified to cartoonish proportions causing a near eating disorder mentality. I don’t believe I’ve ever had an eating disorder, well, at least not one with a name. Wilderexic I guess?

Since I’ve gained weight though. The reverse effect has come into play. I see myself in he mirror and think. “Okay, I look fine here”. Why is that bad? It isn’t particularly, except when I see myself in pictures, I can tell that every singe mirror I ever look into has lied to me. Or are my eyes and mind lying to me? I’m so confused with this whole dysmorphic, or as I call it reverse dysmorphic, process. What is up and down or left and right!? I mean really, why can’t  I just see what I actually look like in the mirror, and maybe then I’ll be a little more concerned about what I;m putting into my body. I digress, As you can see from my post about Satiety, I’m working towards that whether I can see it or not, because I do agree that there’s improvements to be made on whichever version of my body you see. I can always get stronger. It’s just a funny phenomenon that I’ve noticed and wanted to share in case anyone felt alone. It’s very weird to not recognize the body you are in for what it is.

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